{"id":283,"date":"2019-08-14T09:57:04","date_gmt":"2019-08-14T07:57:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.dragos-serban.ro\/carti\/?p=283"},"modified":"2023-10-24T14:31:15","modified_gmt":"2023-10-24T12:31:15","slug":"1-aprilie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dragos-serban.ro\/carti\/1-aprilie.html","title":{"rendered":"1 Aprilie"},"content":{"rendered":"
\npublicat\u0103 \u00een Adev\u0103rul, 5 aprilie 1896\n<\/div>\n

UN T\u00c2N\u0102R<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

(aer \u0219i maniere de mic impiegat, costum cam s\u0103r\u0103cu\u021b, dar cur\u0103\u021bel; jiletca, foarte deschis\u0103, las\u0103 s\u0103 se vaz\u0103 pieptul c\u0103m\u0103\u0219ii de coloare; m\u0103nu\u0219i, \u021bilindru; floare-n piept; baston sub\u021bire)<\/em><\/p>\n

Eu m\u0103rturisesc drept, cum am spus \u0219i la jura\u021bi, eu, domnule pre\u0219edinte, i-am zis lui Mitic\u0103: nu-mi plac glume de astea! Adic\u0103 nu c\u0103 mi-era fric\u0103 de ce s-a-nt\u00e2mplat… nici nu m\u0103 g\u00e2ndeam! dar vorba e, nu-mi plac mie astea; c\u0103 eu \u00eel \u0219tiam cine e Mi\u0219u, la\u0219! \u0219i n-are curaj; mi-era fric\u0103 s\u0103 nu p\u0103\u021bim cu el cum mai p\u0103\u021bisem o dat\u0103, c\u00e2nd s-a-nt\u00e2mplat la Hierestr\u0103ul Vechi b\u0103taia cu mizerabilii \u0103ilal\u021bi, care ne-a atacat, \u0219i Mi\u0219u de fric\u0103 a fugit \u0219i s-a ascuns undeva… Dup\u0103 ce s-a ispr\u0103vit b\u0103taia \u2014 c\u0103 (sever) i-am pus pe goan\u0103 pe mizerabilii, care se l\u0103uda c\u0103 o s\u0103 ne-o fac\u0103 ei, c\u0103 sunt de la parchetul general; da… am lucrat… teribil (\u00eenv\u00e2rte\u0219te bastonul repede) \u2014 l-am c\u0103utat pe Mi\u0219u p\u00e2n toat\u0103 gr\u0103dina, \u0219i dup\u0103 ce l-am g\u0103sit, nu vrea s\u0103 ias\u0103 d-acolo cu nici un pre\u021b, \u021bipa c\u0103 vrem s\u0103-l omor\u00e2m… Am ridicat u\u0219a din \u021b\u00e2\u021b\u00e2ni… C\u00e2nd l-am scos afar\u0103, era galben ca l\u0103m\u00e2ia \u0219i-i cl\u0103n\u021b\u0103nea din\u021bii… Pe urm\u0103 s-a boln\u0103vit la g\u0103lbinare \u2014 i-a trecut cu c\u00e2rm\u00e2z \u0219i cu acrituri… da’ numa’ cu acrituri, \u2014 dulce n-avea voie! De atuncea i-a r\u0103mas numele \u2014 (cu satisfac\u021bie) eu i l-am spus \u2014 Mi\u0219u Poltronu! De-aia, eu \u00eei spusesem lui Mitic\u0103 s\u0103-l lase-n pace, da’, fiindc\u0103 \u0103ilal\u021bi a vrut, zic \u0219i eu: Haide! Ce-o s\u0103 se-nt\u00e2mple? \u00cent\u00e2i aprilie \u2014 o s\u0103 r\u00e2dem de Poltronu, \u0219i pe urm\u0103, ce ?<\/p>\n

Da, al dracului Mitic\u0103!… S\u0103racul!… S\u0103 vezi.<\/p>\n

Noi mergeam la ber\u0103rie pe bulevard devale. \u00cen seara aia Mitic\u0103 venise cu Cleopatra, amanta lui \u2014 este la ma\u0219inele de cusut… A dracului \u0219i ea!… S\u0103raca!… S\u0103 vezi.<\/p>\n

Tocma’ dup\u0103 dou\u0103spce t\u00e2rziu, a venit \u0219i Mi\u0219u, \u0219i Mitic\u0103 l-a recomandat Cleopatrii, c\u0103 pe noi ne recomandase de mult. Pe urm\u0103, r\u00e2zi! \u0219i conversa\u021bie, \u0219i r\u00e2zi! (face mare haz.) Am stat noi a\u0219a, s\u0103 fi fost p\u00e2n\u0103 pe la dou\u0103 \u0219i jum\u0103tate trecute… Mi\u0219u era amorezat de nevasta unui c\u00e2rciumar din dosul Ci\u0219megiului, de la care cump\u0103ra \u021big\u0103ri de dam\u0103 \u2014 umbla g\u0103tit, cu guler nou, cu \u021bilindru, cu un baston de p\u0103r nodoros \u0219i cu m\u0103nu\u0219i \u2014 \u0219i d\u0103duse \u0219i cu parfum. Mi\u0219u zice:<\/p>\n

\u201eBonsoir, eu m\u0103 duc.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Mai st\u0103i…<\/p>\n

\u2014 Nu se poate; m\u00e2ine am treab\u0103 de diminea\u021b\u0103 la can\u021bilerie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u0218i a plecat.<\/p>\n

Dup\u0103 ce a plecat Mi\u0219u, Cleopatra a \u00eenceput s\u0103 r\u00e2z\u0103: hihihi! (r\u00e2de ca Cleopatra) zice Mitic\u0103:<\/p>\n

\u201e\u0218ti\u021bi voi unde s-a dus Poltronu?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Unde?<\/p>\n

\u2014 \u00cen Ci\u0219megiu, pe movil\u0103: s\u0103 fluiere.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Ei a\u0219!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u0218i pe urm\u0103 ne-a spus Mitic\u0103 toat\u0103 intriga: Mi\u0219u primise de la nevasta mitocanului o scrisoare \u2014 imita\u021bia Cleopatrei \u2014 c\u0103 mitocanul pleac\u0103 la \u021aurloaia dup\u0103 pe\u0219te pe la trei despre ziu\u0103, \u0219i c\u0103 el, adic\u0103 Mi\u0219u, s-o a\u0219tepte negre\u0219it \u00een Ci\u0219megiu pe movil\u0103, \u0219i s\u0103 fluiere pe \u201eMargareta\u201d (fluier\u0103 entrata mar\u0219ului \u201eMargareta\u201d) ca s\u0103 fie ea la sigur c\u0103 el este \u2014 c\u0103 ea \u0219tie c\u0103 o curteaza de at\u00e2ta vreme, c\u00e2nd cump\u0103r\u0103 \u021big\u0103ri de dam\u0103, \u0219i are s\u0103-i spuie multe, da’ s\u0103 vie negre\u0219it.<\/p>\n

Asta era intriga lui domnul Mitic\u0103, de r\u00e2dea mereu \u0219i-\u0219i f\u0103cea semne cu Cleopatra \u2014 asta era: ea s\u0103 mearg\u0103 pe la trei \u0219i jum\u0103tate pe movil\u0103, \u0219i el, adic\u0103 Mitic\u0103, s\u0103 se fac\u0103 mitocanul, s\u0103-i cear\u0103 cont lui Mi\u0219u, \u0219i noi s\u0103 ie\u0219im to\u021bi s\u0103 ne batem joc de \u00eent\u00e2i aprilie de Poltronu!<\/p>\n

Am chemat \u021bal! am pl\u0103tit… Cleopatra s-a \u00eembr\u0103cat cu mantaua impermeabil\u0103 de m\u0103tase crem cu glug\u0103 \u2014 foarte frumoas\u0103 manta! … \u0219i Cleopatra nu-i ur\u00e2t\u0103… cu gluga… e brunet\u0103 \u2014 \u0219i numai treizeci \u0219i cinci de franci \u2014 chilipir, da’ era de ocazie: i-a f\u0103cut hat\u00e2r negustorul \u2014 o cunoa\u0219te \u2014 de la ma\u0219ini.<\/p>\n

C\u00e2nd am ie\u0219it de la ber\u0103rie, b\u0103tea patru f\u0103r\u0103 un sfert la Eforie… Am intrat \u00een Ci\u0219megiu. Ploua m\u0103run\u021bel; era pustiu \u00een gr\u0103din\u0103 \u0219i \u00eentuneric… Am tras cu urechea \u2014 n-am auzit nimic. Am mers drept p\u00e2n aleea mare \u0219i ne-am f\u0103cut planul: Mitic\u0103 \u0219i Cleopatra s\u0103 porneasc\u0103 din dosul bufetului, \u0219i noi s\u0103 ne ascundem la p\u00e2nd\u0103 sub movil\u0103 la grot\u0103.<\/p>\n

Tragem iar cu urechea \u2014 nimic.<\/p>\n

\u201eS\u0103 \u0219tii, zic eu, c\u0103 i-a fost fric\u0103 Poltronului s\u0103 vie: nu vine el noaptea p\u00e2n Ci\u0219megiul pustiu.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mitic\u0103 zice: \u201eAtuncea n-am f\u0103cut nimic!” Da’ Cleopatra: \u201eA\u0219! nu se poate!… A venit!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u0218i p\u00e2n\u0103 s\u0103 n-apuce s\u0103 zic\u0103, auzim: (fluier\u0103 partea \u00eent\u00e2ia a mar\u0219ului \u201eMargareta\u201d, fals \u0219i tremurat.)<\/p>\n

\u201eAi auzit? zice Cleopatra. Haide!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ne las\u0103 pe noi \u0219i pleac\u0103 u\u0219or spre movil\u0103, noi \u00een partea ailant\u0103 \u0219i Mitic\u0103 dup\u0103 ea la distan\u021b\u0103 \u2014 acum auzeam bine: (continu\u0103 fluierul mai hot\u0103r\u00e2t.) Cleopatra se suie-ncetinel pe potec\u0103 \u0219i noi ne pitul\u0103m dup\u0103 bolovanii de jos…<\/p>\n

… Am auzit fluierul (continu\u0103 fluierul \u0219i mai hot\u0103r\u00eet \u0219i deodat\u0103 se opre\u0219te brusc) \u00eencet\u00e2nd \u0219i un \u201eah! de n-ar veni b\u0103rbatu-meu!” pe urm\u0103 ni\u0219te pup\u0103turi \u0219i \u0219optituri; da’ nu puteam \u00een\u021belege nimic de v\u00e2j\u00e2iala havuzului din lac… Am stat a\u0219a c\u00e2teva minute \u0219i deodat\u0103 auzim pe Mitic\u0103 pref\u0103cut:<\/p>\n

\u201eCu nevast\u0103-mea, mizerabile! te-am m\u00e2ncat!\u201d<\/p>\n

Apoi un r\u0103cnet, o pocnitur\u0103, o bufneal\u0103 de trup c\u0103z\u00e2nd, toate \u00eentr-o clip\u0103, \u0219i \u021bipetele Cleopatrii:<\/p>\n

\u201eS\u0103ri\u021bi! l-a omor\u00e2t!… Mitic\u0103!… Mitic\u0103!…\u201d<\/p>\n

De-a bu\u0219ile peste bolovani, ne-am jupuit genunchii, am fost la moment sus… Mitic\u0103 lungit pe spate horc\u0103ia ad\u00e2nc, Cleopatra lupta s\u0103-i ridice capul greu, Mi\u0219u sta \u021bap\u0103n \u00een picioare.<\/p>\n

Ce fusese asta ? (scoate o batist\u0103 chic \u0219i se \u0219terge emo\u021bionat.)<\/p>\n

Cleopatra \u00eel luase \u00een bra\u021be pe Mi\u0219u; \u00eei f\u0103cea declara\u021bii de amor; Mitic\u0103 a strigat de la spatele lui Mi\u0219u; Mi\u0219u s-a desprins de Cleopatra, s-a \u00eentors \u00een loc \u0219i, c\u00e2nd a dat Mitic\u0103 s\u0103 porneasc\u0103 spre el, a ridicat bastonul de v\u00e2rf cu m\u0103ciulia nodoroas\u0103-n sus, \u0219i l-a plesnit pe Mitic\u0103 drept \u00een frunte cu sete… Auzi putere la Poltronul!… (\u00ee\u0219i face cruce) de fric\u0103!…<\/p>\n

Am alergat \u00een toate par\u021bile; nici un sergent \u00een gr\u0103din\u0103… Am dat fuga-n bulevard, am g\u0103sit o birje, pe urm\u0103 \u0219i un sergent \u2014 nu vrea la \u00eenceput s\u0103 vie dobitocul, zicea c\u0103 e p\u0103c\u0103leal\u0103 de \u00eent\u00e2i aprilie, parc\u0103 nou\u0103 de p\u0103c\u0103leal\u0103 ne ardea!<\/p>\n

L-am ridicat pe Mitic\u0103 \u00eencetinel… Nu mai horc\u0103ia a\u0219a tare… \u00eencepuse s\u0103 se lumineze bine \u0219i ploua mereu… Mantaua Cleopatrii era plin\u0103 de s\u00e2nge… Obrazul lui Mitic\u0103 negru ca postavul \u0219i umflat … I-am l\u0103sat la Col\u021bea pe am\u00e2ndoi \u0219i noi am mers la poli\u021bie.<\/p>\n

El a murit pe sear\u0103 \u2014 a\u0219a a spus doctorul; (z\u00e2mbind sceptic) eu zic c\u0103 era mort chiar c\u00e2nd am ajuns la spital: c\u00e2nd l-am luat s\u0103-l cobor\u00e2m din birje, a mai horc\u0103it o dat\u0103 tare \u0219i pe urm\u0103 s-a plecat scurt cu b\u0103rbia-n piept, parc\u0103 i-a trosnit junghetura… (face mi\u0219carea.) Atuncea, c\u00e2nd s-a aplecat, i-am v\u0103zut creierii amesteca\u021bi cu p\u0103r \u0219i s\u00e2nge cu spum\u0103. (grimas\u0103.)<\/p>\n

Ce-am p\u0103\u021bit…<\/p>\n

A doua zi ne-a dus de la poli\u021bie s\u0103 ne confrunte cu mortul… Venise \u0219i m\u0103-sa lui Mitic\u0103 \u2014 o mahalagioaic\u0103… ce gur\u0103! f\u0103cea un scandal! parc\u0103 era nebun\u0103, se mu\u0219ca de m\u00e2ini, se tr\u0103gea de p\u0103r… Ne-a oc\u0103r\u00e2t, ne-a blestemat… ba pe Cleopatra a \u0219i scuipat-o. (bocindu-se ca b\u0103tr\u00e2na.) \u201eMitic\u0103! frumosul maichii! Mitic\u0103!” (schimb\u00e2nd tonul \u0219i mutra \u0219i d\u00e2nd din umeri.) Ei, asta mi-e necaz mie… Mitic\u0103 \u0219i frumos! Poftim!<\/p>\n

Dup\u0103 aia, \u021bine-te t\u0103mb\u0103l\u0103u trei luni de zile pe la V\u0103c\u0103re\u0219ti, pe la instruc\u021bie, pe la jura\u021bi… Pe Mi\u0219u l-a achitat… Da’ ce ne-a f\u0103cut la to\u021bi procurorul! Pe urm\u0103 (foarte m\u00e2hnit) ne-a dat afar\u0103 de la minister cu raport motivat \u2014 c\u0103 suntem scandalagii. Halal de \u00eent\u00e2i aprilie!… Eu \u00eei spusesem lui Mitic\u0103… (pleac\u0103 fluier\u00e2nd cu brio \u201eMargareto, \u00eengera\u0219 iubit\u201d.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

publicat\u0103 \u00een Adev\u0103rul, 5 aprilie 1896 UN T\u00c2N\u0102R (aer \u0219i maniere de mic impiegat, costum cam s\u0103r\u0103cu\u021b, dar cur\u0103\u021bel; jiletca, foarte deschis\u0103, las\u0103 s\u0103 se vaz\u0103 pieptul c\u0103m\u0103\u0219ii de coloare; m\u0103nu\u0219i, \u021bilindru; floare-n piept; baston sub\u021bire) Eu m\u0103rturisesc drept, cum am spus \u0219i la jura\u021bi, eu, domnule pre\u0219edinte, i-am zis lui Mitic\u0103: nu-mi plac glume […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[15],"class_list":["post-283","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ion-luca-caragiale-teatru","tag-ion-luca-caragiale"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dragos-serban.ro\/carti\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/283","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dragos-serban.ro\/carti\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dragos-serban.ro\/carti\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dragos-serban.ro\/carti\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dragos-serban.ro\/carti\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=283"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.dragos-serban.ro\/carti\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/283\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":286,"href":"https:\/\/www.dragos-serban.ro\/carti\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/283\/revisions\/286"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dragos-serban.ro\/carti\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=283"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dragos-serban.ro\/carti\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=283"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dragos-serban.ro\/carti\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=283"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}